if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
