U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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