before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
