on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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