you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
