She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
