I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
