hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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