she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
