just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
