Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
