he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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