Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
