I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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