I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
