I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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