worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
