woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
