well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
