True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
