Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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