Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
