She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
