I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
operation have a gay friend backfired
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
