I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I sprained my soul last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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