My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
