Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
