He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
