conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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