It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
