babies were throwing up all over the place
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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