he was CRYING into my vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
