so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
