Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
