I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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