your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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