The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
