Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize