sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
