you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
