your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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