dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
