i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
