She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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