Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
