you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i will never coherently bang her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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