White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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