i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize