And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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