If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
