The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
