im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
