just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
