I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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