wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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