drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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