so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
