yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
