That's intense
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you will always have a special place in my vag
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
