I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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