i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
