ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
