I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
