Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have fence marks all over my body
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
