While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
