I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
